Loosing My Mustard Seed

I've had a conversation with my boss stuck in my head for a couple of weeks now. We were discussing men and she says to me "fighting to not be like your parents is a constant battle." I think nothing on the subject could be more true. For nine months now I have been in denial of the fact that Angelbaby has asthma. Nine months ago she came home from her fathers house with a nebulizer and a six month supply of a drug called Xopenex. Her father then proceeds to tell me that he took her to the doctor for vomiting and was diagnosed with asthma. Now, he's not the quickest of cats at the best of times, so I just thought that the Dr. was just trying to pacify the father by prescribing the asthma medication. I mean with the ever growing number of children on these nebulizers it does seem rather trendy. When I asked her regular doctor about it, he seemed put off by the fact that she had seen another doctor but didn't even question the asthma diagnosis. He just said that there was "no harm" in letting Angelbaby use the nebulizer if she was having trouble breathing. I was under the impression that it was psychological and I should just play along. And that is why I really didn't think much of it. Last Thursday the school called to tell me that Angelbaby was vomiting and I needed to come get her. When I got her home she was panting like a dog outside in the hot weather. I gave her the Xopenex and nothing. So that is when I started actually researching asthma on the internet. One of the first things I read was "this is not a psychological condition." I continued to read for about an hour before I came to the phrase "most deaths caused by asthma could have been prevented." DEATHS!?! And that is how she ended up spending the night in UAB Children's Hospital. She's fine now. She was released the next day with an albuteral inhaler and a list of doctors ( by request) so we could find a new pediatrician. What bothers me most about the whole situation is that I was so ill prepared, and considering the amount of information on the net about asthma I have no excuse for being so. That brings me to the bit about becoming your parents. My mother was extremely inattentive. I find that the fight not to become her is a constant battle.