I Hate the "What If" Game

So, nothing new to report. Except that my good buddy Dave gave me a long over due phone call. I thought I was dead to him since my relationship with his best friend ended badly over 2.5 years ago. But Dave said he still has love for me. I say this with love and the upmost respect, Dave- POST ALREADY! Anyway I've been thinking about something lately and in an effort to get it out of my mind I thought I would share it with the world. (aka the 2.3 people that read this blog) OK so here goes. I get a lot of questions/comments about my nose ring. I've had it since I was nineteen. Most people want to know if it hurt. Some strangers just want to let me know that they don't normally like them but the one I have is cute. (2mm ball stud) And third, of the most popular comments is " I had my nose pierced but it wouldn't heal so I had to take it out." That comment is often coupled with the disgusted look of jealousy. I tell them that mine wouldn't heal either until it met concrete under 140 pounds of pressure. Actually 140 pounds dropped from 6 ft in the air. But we'll have to come back to that. It all started one night when I was at work (Seattle Connection Cafe). Mr. Caramel Latte showed up for the usual. He always came to the counter with a smile on his face but tonight his eyes were lit up as well. Same chit chat as always-how are you? etc. After we exchanged latte for money, he lingered with something in his hand. He asked if I liked Bush (the band you perv!) Of course I did, it was 1996. Then he said he had tickets to the Goo Goo Dolls/Bush/No Doubt concert at the Boutwell later that night but his friends told him he was too old for that kind of thing. I can't remember anything I said because well- I had been crushing on this guy for the whole 6 months that I had been slinging capuccinos. All I remember is he was tapping those tickets on the counter and starring right into my eyes the whole time we were talking. Oh! yea, and I was about to pass out because in my little 19yr old mind I just knew he was about to ask me to go with him! He asked a couple more questions- "can you get off work?", "do you have someone that can go with you?" then just like that he threw the tickets in the tip jar, said have fun and left. I closed up the shop, called Tori and we got to the auditorium just after No Doubt left the stage. Being the mosh pit junkies that we were, we didn't have to be asked twice by the mammoth redneck guys standing next to us, if they could lift us up for a good crowd serfin' safari. Can you guess what's about to unfold? Yep, I got dropped on my face. All 140 pounds of me from 6 feet in the air hit; solid, nasty as hell, wet- from God only knows what, face to concrete.( I never got the stain out of my shirt) Go ahead, laugh all you want, I've heard all the jokes. Everyone who saw my face starred in horror as I made my way to the ladies room to clean the blood from my nasal jewelry. My face was numb, so Tori and I went back out there and saw the rest of the show. It actually turned out to be a good thing. My nose healed up for good and I haven't had a problem since. Here comes the what if. Now, it is a relevant fact that anyone who has ever tried to play the "what if" game with me has been stopped right in their tracks. Especially boyfriends who were just trying to pick a fight or ask me something without having to ask by saying those two stupid little words what if... It literally makes me angry to even hear someone say those words to me. But in my own head the "what if" demons will not be hushed. And the next day after that concert I couldn't help but wonder, when Mr. Crystal Blue Eyes I mean Mr. Caramel Latte asked if I had someone to go with, What if I said "yea, you." I have seen Caramel Latte a hand full of times since that night. And he has never so much as hinted any feelings for me. I found out where he worked purely by accident one day. And the last time I "ran into" him there he asked if I remembered him. "Of course I do! Say, would you like to go out sometime?" Well, What if I had really said that.