Blinded

Still unpacking from the move. I just found the return letter from the Cowgirl after writing this. It makes me sad that we have been reduced to writing letters. At the same time I know we are still too different to ever be as close as we once were. Be that as it may, there are still a few funny stories to be told. Imagine the most country-southern accent you have ever heard say the words "I got sum body I wont chuta meet." I fell for it 3 times before I wised up. If you check the Redneck to English dictionary "I got sum body I wont chuta meet" translates to- blind date from hell. Literally. The first time I was blind sided I think we were about 16. The Cowgirl came to my house for a sleep-over and had her boyfriend come and pick us up. I knew it was going to be bad when we drove to the seediest trailer park within a 10 mile radius. We walked in and the person I was supposed to meet appeared to be asleep. "Oh, well- you can watch tv since Dennis is asleep." She says as she runs off to the back bedroom to loose her virginity. And I had a seat across the room from Dennis who wasn't really asleep. The details are not worth repeating, I'll just say my virginity was ultimately safe and I left that nasty hell-hole thanking God that Dennis understood that no means no. The second time I was fooled we were 17. I drove 30 minutes out of town to spend the night with the Cowgirl at her grandparents house. When I arrived she informed me that her boyfriend, Andy, was coming over and he was bringing Burt for me to meet. Yep, Burt and Andy. I remember standing in the kitchen when in walks Andy with 384 lbs of stupid. Now, I like big guys so at first I thought he was a maybe. Then he spoke. Instantly I knew this ex-linebacker clearly took one too many hits without his helmet on. We argued all night. And as much as I would like to say I never let him touch me, that would be a lie. Sadly I have to admit that I was 17 and had never been kissed. I figured I might as well get it over with since I would never have to see him again. And so my first kiss was from a big dumb boy named Burt who thought he could impress me by lifting me over his head with one hand. The third and final time the Cowgirl tricked me into a blind date, we were 19. Luis was 29. The Cowgirl's boyfriend, who later became her husband, lived and worked with Luis. I thought Luis was very cute but it didn't take me long to figure out that he dated younger girls because he wasn't cool enough to get girls his own age. By this time I had lost my virginity but I had no interest in having the sex with Luis. At one point during the evening the Cowgirl's boyfriend leaned over and whispered that Luis was building his own house and if only I would have sex with Luis he would let me choose all capet and cabinets and lighting fixtures for his new home. I assumed the reference to the house was supposed to be a symbol of his ability to provide for me. That was the first time I realized I could never bring myself to date a man just for his money. Even if Luis had owned 10 houses, sex with me would still not have been on the menu. After Luis I told the Cowgirl in no uncertain terms that she was not ever allowed to introduce me to anyone under any circumstances as long as we both shall live. She has kept her promise.